“There are only two things in life, love and fear,” says Forgiveness Expert and Radical Forgiveness coach Kym Kennedy. On this new Fuck Fear episode, my guest Kym and I have an open and vulnerable conversation about about why it’s difficult and fearful to forgive family members. “If you were to forgive, the implication is that you are condoning it, you’re like saying, it’s ok or you’re weak- there are so many reasons why people are afraid to forgive, she says.”
This episode takes a us deep into the emotional work of radical forgiveness and what it will require to be at complete peace with yourself and your family. Take the Forgiveness quiz below.
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Radical Forgiveness Work:
If you’d like to begin and take the journey through life-changing forgiveness work, here is a toolkit to get you started.
Forgiveness Is a 3-Letter Word
by Kym Kennedy
This tool simply involves writing three letters to the person you feel has wronged or hurt you in some way. It works wonderfully when you are really upset about something that has just happened; it even works on something that may have happened a long time ago.
Vent all your anger and rage in the first letter. Hold nothing back. You can threaten vengeance of the vilest kind if it makes you feel good. Keep writing until you have nothing left to say. The process of writing this letter may cause you to shed a lot of tears — tears of rage, sadness, resentment, and hurt. Let them flow. Have a box of tissues beside you. If you are angry, scream into a pillow or do some physical activity to help you feel your anger. Under no circumstances mail this letter!
The next day, write another letter. This one should carry somewhat less anger and vengeance, although it still does not let the person with whom you are angry off the hook for what you believe they have done to you. However, it should make an effort to bring compassion, understanding, and generosity, as well as the possibility of some sort of forgiveness, into the equation. Do not mail this letter either.
The following day, write a third letter. In this one, attempt to describe a new interpretation of the situation based on the principles of Radical Forgiveness which says that everything happens for our spiritual growth. Since this mimics the forgiveness worksheet, refer to the notes on the worksheet as signposts for your letter, but write it in your own words as best you can. This may feel like a struggle at first, but persevere. Remember, you will have to fake it for a while before you make it.
None of these letters are ever mailed. It is neither necessary nor desirable to mail them. They are designed to shift your energy, not the energy of the recipient. Venting your feelings, rather than projecting them once again onto the other person serves as the objective. Sending the angry letter, in particular, accomplishes nothing whatsoever. Doing so would only keep the attack-defense cycle going on and on, and that would drag you deeper into the drama. Remember, as you shift your energy in the direction of Radical Forgiveness, the energy of the other person changes automatically.
You either can keep the letters for future reference, or you can use them in a forgiveness ritual. My personal preference lies in using the ritual of fire to transform them. Something powerful happens when you see your words turn into ashes and rise up in a column of smoke. Click Here for More Forgiveness Resources
